30.11.18

[szoftbyun]

Today I had a good day! Definitely more eventful than usual, and more enjoyable than the other times I've gone to my dad's place. I think it all comes to me having a person I can comfortably converse with, and my dad sadly isn't one because we don't have common interests or sense of humor and I seem to need that to at least start to talk with someone (even though I definitely feel comfortable around him, it's just not easy to start conversations). But today there was my cousin S. dining with us, and before that I got to stay with him and watch him play KH, so that was fun! I would have been in a shy mood if hadn't had that, I think. Instead tonight at dinner I spoke a couple times with people other than my dad or my cousin, which is very different from my usual 'mute during all dinner' mood. It does depend on my mood: when I'm happier I'm more carefree, I talk more and louder; when i'm in a lower/apathetic mood I stay silent and respond with monosyllables, at low volume and mumbling. It shouldn't be more than a year that I noticed this to be honest, and I don't know why I do it but I do; as difficult as it is find something to say when I'm in a 'meh' mood, it always surprises me how easily sometimes I can converse with someone else (even a person I don't know well!) if I'm in a happier mood. (Also, it definitely helps if a person encourages me to talk.) I think I can pinpoint a before and after of this happening, but I don't exactly know how it happened or what made it happen, I just think that for sure multiple reasons contributed to it. Even if I'm slow I'm realizing things by myself little by little, and I definitely want to work on this more and realize what throws me off and how can I improve at talking with people in all situations.
These were just some thoughts I had in mind, so I decided to jot them down - I also wanted to make a new post! This site feels comfortable for writing blog-like stuff ~
I don't know the possibilities of anyone reading this, but I hope you had a good day ☆